**Part of defining someday is knowing who you are and want you want in life. This post is about how watching someone else perform one of their strengths can help you to learn more about yourself. I felt the need to clarify that, because I will be talking about partying, stripping, and too much male attention in order to get to this lesson. You’ve been warned.**

I was at a party this weekend that involved a lot of dancing. Ok, too much dancing. My everything is tired, but it was nice to have something to do, other than not write and grieve quietly. So we danced, and it was wonderful to feel alive and in motion again.

At some point, long after the older crowd had left and just shy of last call, one of my friends decided to take the dancing to a new level by performing a lap dance/strip tease on a chair routine. And it was incredible. I felt like Carmen Electra had made a surprise appearance, and I think the men would agree. She was sexy, and not at all shy about owning the moves, and in fact, the entire floor. (Don’t worry, she kept her clothes on).

Amid the whistles, stares, and stampede of men lining up to meet her, there was me. Standing awkwardly, watching, feeling like an invisible, homely wallflower. While she worked it in stripper shoes and trendy diva-wear, I tugged at my pearls and wondered if my dress from Jacob was too stuffy. I was having a serious case of “Who Am I, Because Everyone Seems to Like What She’s Serving Better” female anxiety.

My husband (among the crowd of pleased spectators) was like, “Don’t worry about it, you’re beautiful.”

To which I was like, “Ok, but where does that leave me in terms of being satisfied with my own personal style and dancing skills? I can’t dance like that, and I can’t walk in those shoes, so there must be something wrong with me.” Ah, boozy logic.

The “I suck” feeling didn’t last, thanks to one of my favorite Feist songs - I Feel it All - that has a line about a wild card inside. I may not be a wild woman on the outside, but I feel like I am a wild card inside, and I surprise myself sometimes. I can’t always anticipate the depth of emotion, the boundless creativity, or vibrant humor that pops through my shell of order, diligence, and focus when I least expect it. And I am rarely prepared for the way someone else’s actions can affect my mood, and how their words can either destroy me or lift me up.

So there’s the lesson about learning more about yourself; some people will shake your confidence, others will inspire it - if you let them. Some people are the type who are wild on the outside with performances, popularity, and flare. Others are wild on the inside with ideas, thoughtfulness and care.

Either way, it’s good to know where you wear your heart, and if it’s wild or mild.

Update: This post was included in the Balanced Living carnival hosted by One Organized Life, as well as the Everything Worth Reading carnival.

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