This post is a rant, disguised as a lesson on how to politely handle social situations like baby showers, and other things worth celebrating. Because when someone you love achieves one of their somedays, you want to celebrate with her, no matter how bitchy her other friends in attendance may be, right?
I attended a baby shower last weekend for a fabulously beautiful friend, whom I know only from a passing but fortunate overlap of a few university classes. After school, we went our separate ways, and we never really integrated our circles. Still, she is my friend, and I was happy to be invited to celebrate with her at her baby shower. I knew that I wouldn’t know anyone else there, but I was looking forward to having a fun girl’s party anyway. I’ve been admiring her style, smarts, and humor for a while now, and I made the assumption that her friends were all as fabulous as she is.
So I drove 2.5 hours to the big city to attend what I thought would be a love-in of happy, successful women, joining together to show their support of a friend who was becoming a mother before the rest of us. I took my role in contributing to the pot-luck very seriously, and I also brought along a thoughtful gift that took into account her style and her changing needs as a new mother.
As soon as I got to the door, I knew something was wrong when no one answered, and no one noticed that I let myself in. The next two hours consisted of social-butterfly me trying to have fun and be friendly, while the observant-analytical me was aghast at the poor social skills and interesting social dynamics of a room full of self-centered women.
How to be Polite at a Party
1. Introduce Yourself, and Others - If you see a new face, introduce yourself and the people with whom you are standing. This is especially important if you are the host. If you are the guest of honor, make introductions among your friends to ease the tension.
2. Ask Conversation-Enabling Conversations - Once introduced, start with some basic conversation starters like, “How do you know [guest of honor]?” or “How long have you known [guest of honor]?” or “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” or “Are you married/Do you have kids?” These aren’t difficult, people!
3. Be Open - Even if you have 100,000 friends, would it kill you to have one more? Be open to meeting new people, learning about their lives, and welcoming them into yours. At least give the newbie a chance by getting to know them before you unceremoniously decide that they are not worth your time nor attention. Being nice doesn’t hurt!
4. Include Everyone - Laughing at others, or at private jokes, or whispering to your best friend in a social setting is rude. Put a little bit of effort into being present as a member of this celebration, and save your personal whisperings for later.
5. Be Thankful - Everyone else at a celebration is there for the same reason you are…to show their love and support of a friend. Show your appreciation for this by complimenting other people on their contributions - be it the host, the food, the gifts, their attendance, or otherwise. This party is not about you, and it wouldn’t hurt to be thankful that you are not the only one in attendance. It takes a village, right!?
So there it is, a lesson-rant about how easy it could have been for these women to make the baby shower more enjoyable. Unfortunately, they just didn’t care enough to even try. No one greeted me, no one introduced themselves, no one asked me anything about myself, and no one noticed when I left. I had used all of the above party-politeness rules, to no avail.
That’s how you know it’s time to leave - when you’ve pulled out all the friendly, polite, socially acceptable tools you have, and they don’t work.
Have you ever been in a situation like this? Do you have any more ideas for being a polite party guest or host?
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5 responses so far ↓
1 Shannon // Aug 27, 2008 at 9:19 am
These skills seem to be sorely lacking in society at large. Most times when I attend a social gathering and someone is polite enough to introduce themselves and make conversation I leave feeling that they went waaay above and beyond to be nice to me, rather than considering it just having good manners. But you are right, etiquette and good manners dictate these simple things and they can lead to meeting fun and interesting people and making new friendships. And even if they don’t, at least you will have done your good deed for the day! Thanks for the reminder!
2 admin // Aug 27, 2008 at 6:26 pm
So true, we’re just all so absorbed with ourselves that it shocks us when someone pays attention to us and is polite! Thanks for commenting!
3 Mary Jo // Aug 31, 2008 at 11:18 pm
Wow….baby showers are trying at the best of times….that party sounded brutal.
4 Balanced Living Carnival - Fifth Edition 9/15/08 « One Organized Life Blog // Sep 15, 2008 at 5:05 pm
[...] presents How to be Polite at a Party posted at Defining Someday, saying, “How to handle awkward social situations, like baby [...]
5 How to have more social success News / Updates / Blog » Social Skills Carnival #11 // Oct 6, 2008 at 6:33 pm
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